Constructive Criticism?

         First things first I need to do a roommate shout out, Becky Fain has recently introduced me to Miller’s Creek North Carolina and I can now say that I fell in love with it this week. Also, I’d like to thank every single one of my Elementary teachers for all the hard work and preparation for every school year. Helping get a classroom all setup for school to start is NO easy task. I didn’t realize how much work goes into it until I began living with a teacher, I guess I just always thought that everything was prepared for them. Crazy I know.

         With that being said, I need to be very transparent with y’all today. We talked about criticism this morning at church and at first I didn’t think that it was something that I’d have to pay much attention to honestly. But the more my Pastor spoke I realized that I’ve been on the giving and receiving end of some painful criticism. I never thought that what I was saying was considered as criticism until today. I need to be a lot more careful with how I talk about certain situations. It’s easy to get caught up emotionally with something and say more then you should or saying something that is way out of line. One situation in particular comes to mind for me. An old boss of mine made some decisions (non-work related) that I didn’t agree with. I’ve never talked about any of this on here but a lot of my close friends and family have more then likely heard me on more then one occasion vent about it. What I was doing was doing more harm then good for me but I didn’t realize it until today. It was showing zero respect for him because of the fact that I didn’t agree with what was going on. And by me talking about it so much out of frustration and sadness, it opened the door for others to do the same with me. So starting today I won’t be talking about it anymore. I have to guard my own heart and doing that will help me to guard his as well. If you read this and you know the specific situation that I’m talking about I would like to ask you to help hold me accountable with this. If you have no idea then your prayers are definitely welcome as always!

         As far as receiving negative criticism goes though, I never really noticed that that was exactly what it was until today. And I don’t think that the people that were dishing it out were doing it with those intentions at all, it just kind of happened. A lot of people have expectations for my life, not bad ones at all. In fact they are actually really great things that they wish for me. But I think that it has somehow turned into them living vicariously through me. Those dreams and expectations have never been mine, but somehow I let myself believe that they were. Recently I’ve been learning more about myself and about my God-given purpose so that part of the message this morning didn’t slap me across the face quite the way the first part did, BUT it still was painful to hear. I’ve been living my life for 24 years to please others, whether that was my parents, grandparents, friends, a previous roommate, leaders etc. and doing whatever I THOUGHT was supposed to be done. And for the past 6 months I’ve been living my life to change their minds about some things I’m choosing to do but at the same time not being 100% honest with them about what the Lord is calling me to do. All of that being said, from now on I’ll be doing my best to follow the calling on my life without worrying about impressing or disappointing certain people. After all the Lord didn’t call me to serve them, which is ultimately what I’ve been doing by being so worried about what they would think.

         That’s about all of the vulnerability I can dish out for the moment so I’m call it quits for the day. But in other news, this past week I was told about two different jobs and seriously was considering one of them because of the consistent schedule. But I asked the Lord what I needed to be doing since I didn’t feel like I was working all that much with this cleaning company. He answered by delivering 40 hours of cleaning for this week coming up and a bunch of new clients for the next foreseeable weeks. Needless to say I’m sticking with Truly Spotless :) 

Ch ch ch changes

         Well I’d like to first apologize for not blogging as much as I’d like, and secondly I’d like to apologize for jumping off of my short-lived India blogging train. I’d like to say that I’m going to get back on board and tell you more but I’ve had a pretty big change take place just in the past week and I need to get all of this out and see where it takes me.

         “I’m currently unemployed” Those words strike fear in so many people, myself included. Until I had to say them myself this week. Call me crazy but I’m completely at peace about being unemployed. Working at the coffee shop for 3 years was such a blessing, I made some great relationships, reestablished some old ones and learned a lot of lessons along the way. Yes it was a minimum wage job with no benefits but I’m walking away completely changed because of that place and the people that were connected to it in anyway.

“It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful that He has for us”

Colossians 1:12

       For a while now I’d been praying for a change in myself, I thought for sure that would happen in India. And it most certainly did, but it didn’t end over there. The changes have continued back in North Carolina. I’ve reconnected with family that I hadn’t gotten to talk to or let alone spend any time with in months. I got to reestablish a friendship with my old roommate when I didn’t really think it was possible. I’m transitioning into a team leader role on our nursery team at church. A lot of things are new for me right now but great non the less. So I wasn’t exactly surprised when I got word that the coffee shop was closing. It was almost humorous the way that the Lord is suddenly shifting things in and out of my life. With that being said, I have no idea what is ahead of me on this path. I don’t know what direction the Lord is taking me. I don’t know what he wants me to be doing with this season. But I do know that this whole situation is completely in His hands. My needs are going to be taken care of 100%. A shepherd never leaves His flock so I know that the Lord is by my side through this, as long as I’m obedient. And in my heart I know that I have been, that’s the only thing that explains this feeling of peace that I have about everything. There is a definite sense of excitement in my life right now as so much is unknown but I can’t wait to see what is up next for me!

         This song is my anthem right now thanks to Anna George. So thankful for her new presence in my life!

India: Part 1

Well I’m back from Bihar India and I’ve tried to blog about this for a couple weeks now but have had the hardest time processing everything, but I’ve got to immediately jump back on this blogging train before I forget (not that that will ever ACTUALLY happen, but you know what I mean) about the amazing amazing things the Lord has done. To say that I’m a little overwhelmed would be the understatement of the year. I think that the best way for me to get all of this out without you missing anything of importance and me rambling too much (lets face it, we all know that’s going to happen regardless), is for me to spilt up my whole trip by topics and just blog about each one separately. So I’m going to start today with the conferences that we were apart of.

The first day that we were over there we got to go to a women’s conference. I know that I’d mentioned this before to y’all but let me tell you, the Lord is really working in the lives of those sweet women. First things first though, my flesh hasn’t ever been as tired as it was then though. Somehow the car I rode in to the church was one of the last ones there and the church was packed, so guess who ended up sitting up on the stage? Yep that’s right, this girl. Knowing that everyone in the church could see you and would know if you fell asleep was more then enough incentive to keep me awake (honestly I still struggled though). However after a couple of hours of great speakers and some Hindi worship music, one of the speakers told all of the missionaries to just go out into the crowd of women and begin praying with/for them. At this point every thing in me that was tired was immediately restored and I was energized. I found my way through the crowd stopping to pray whenever I felt led and eventually ended up with this one woman and her daughter. The woman looked no older then 19 and her daughter was 2 and she immediately handed her to my friend Maggie and we began praying for her without really knowing what was going on due to the language barrier. The baby began having seizures while we were holding her and other people began to gather around us and we quickly had a few extra hands reaching out to touch this child as we prayed. As the four of us were praying the seizures started happening less and less frequently until the baby seemed at peace and was close to falling asleep. We then had an interpreter come over and we found out that the baby had been to the doctor many times but they had never been able to diagnose what was going on. Due to the seizures she was still only eating foods in liquid form and had never spoken or walked. The mother was in tears and said that she had prayed to so many different gods but had never seen results like this and wanted to know why. We got to share the gospel with her for the first time! If that had been all that I went to India to do, that would have been fine with me at that point but that funny Jesus had so much more up his sleeve.

The second day over there we got to be apart of a youth conference and it was the largest conference in the states history! So many eager young people just looking for a change from the darkness that is Bihar India. I was on the front row this time instead of on the stage, thankfully. The speakers were great again as usual and after a couple of hours we were released again to go out and pray with the youth. I ended up spending the whole time with this one girl who was a year younger then me. She was already saved and with us both able to speak English we struck up a conversation easily, her name was Gracie and she is the sweetest woman. She told me that because she lives in India she can’t worship freely and her family thinks that her being a Christian is really evil spirits in her, so they abuse her every chance they get. It was heartbreaking to hear that. I’m so so so blessed to call this place home. Even though there are things going on that we don’t all agree on, it’s still a country that was founded on Christian beliefs and we’ve been given freedom through that. Freedom in Christ and freedom in the world we’ve been given as American citizens.  

Like I said earlier, there will be more posts coming your way but this was such a BIG trip for me that I’m still having a hard time processing everything that’s happened and is still happening. But your prayers have meant everything to me so keep them coming! Love you all!!