Go hard in the paint!

Dear Tuesday, I’m going to be honest and say that I don’t really want to do this today. I know that normally I look forward to talking to you, but this week I don’t know what I need/want to say. So I’m just going to allow the Holy Spirit to lead me on this one.

Dear Anna, you are the only one who knew before reading this where my heart is at right now. I’m beyond thankful for your guidance, which I know I’ve barley tapped into. Knowing that The Lord aligned us for this specific time makes my journey somewhat easier. After my dream the other night I knew why, and then when I told you about it and we saw how it lined up with your vision….well all I can say is, only Jesus is capable of that. I’m so thankful that The Lord didn’t connect us earlier (that may sound weird), because I know that I wouldn’t appreciate you in the same way that I do now. Few people understand the calling on my life in the way that you do. Thank you for pushing on me to hang on and wait patiently for better. Thanks for always being the kick in the ass that I need. I’m so thankful for the things that The Lord has brought us both through, girl we’re going to CHANGE the world. Favor is just starting to fall on us, but the downpour is coming! Love you friend and I’m excited for all the adventures ahead for you!

Dear Kristin, you have been such a pleasant surprise this past week. You’re someone that I’ve always wanted to spend more time with and really get to know. And I’m so thankful that The Lord has planted us near each other again so that we can learn and grow together. We have so much in common, we understand how each other is feeling about this season of growth (growing pains), and yet we’re so different that it will make it easier to learn from each other. We’re in the midst of very similar family situations and after talking with you the other night I noticed something. We both see our situation from different angles. Angles that the other needs to see it from. Looking at it from someone else’s angle may be just what we need for breakthrough. Just continue to keep your eye on the finish line. You know what the prize is. Run after it. It’s closer than you think. I’m running with you, we’ll get there together!

Dear P, well as of two minutes ago I had no idea what to say but you just lit a fire under me. “The narrow road is hard. Following Christ is hard but the reward is great. Go hard in the paint. Go hard.” Whether you know it or not Basketball has always had a special place in my heart. Hearing those words from a coach always made me dig in a little harder and push myself past where I was comfortable. The same goes for life. This blog was never started to keep me in a comfortable place. The title itself should give that much away. Thanks for reminding me of that in a VERY funny way. Our long distance friendship is the biggest blessing to me. Like my relationship with Anna, I’m very thankful that The Lord waited to line up our friendship until right now. You sent me an email this morning that talked about how at times we need to learn to minister to ourselves, and The Lord wants that so badly that He will blind the eyes and deafen the ears of our closest friends. It wasn’t until I read that that I realized that is along the lines of what He does with us occasionally. You always know when to give me space and when to give advice. And I’m always thankful for both. Recently with the dream interpretation I was VERY thankful for the space to interpret it alone. That was something that I needed to do, thank you for understanding that. Thank you for always being obedient to the Spirit. Everyone needs a friend like you that they can just be real with, in serious situations, in funny situations, and every kind in between. I love #realtalks with you bestie.

King of kings, I’m in awe of you again. You’ve had the right people reach out to me in the perfect ways in this season. You’re knit all of us together in the most beautiful way that only You can. Our strengths and weaknesses blend so well together, but mostly I thank you for your presence. Without I would just have subpar friendships. And you’ve called me to greater so I know that you’re also called my friendships to become greater. Thank you for being the perfect comforter and protector. You alone know how much of an issue finding a job is to me. Thank you for protecting me from the wrong jobs in this season. I know that You have the perfect one right around the corner for me and I’m waiting patiently for it. Thank you for supplying every need that I’ve had and every need that I will have. Thank you for ALWAYS being here for me. Thank you for always giving me strength. I’m desperate for You and I just can’t seem to get enough of You.

Tuesday, that ended up going better than I thought. Thanks for letting me work all of that out on my own. You’re always and forever my favorite. Love you.

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do.

Dear Tuesday, another week already. These are seriously flying by right now, right? Thanks for always allowing me to talk your ear off. Love ya.

Dear Boone, thank you for letting me go. I never really thought that I would be thankful for that but as of today, I am. Going back to visit you this weekend was so weird, and made me realize that I’ve fallen out of love with you. The breakup was the most painful for me, but in the end we both seem to have handled it well. We really are better off with other people. Things there that used to take my breath away just didn’t do it for me anymore. It wasn’t painful but it was a weird feeling to visit somewhere that I thought would be my home forever. Thank you for understanding that I needed these 3 months to get over you (I might have even needed a little longer…). I sat in my favorite chair at my favorite place this weekend (the sawmill) and ALMOST felt myself falling back in love with you all over again. I hate to admit that. And it just makes me want to cry. And now I am. I’m trying to fight back the tears so they go unnoticed but I’m failing. It’s painful but I know that it’s for the best. I really do. But leaving made it almost feel like I was doing it all over again for the first time. I hate that I saw people that I didn’t care to see, and missed seeing people that I really felt like I needed to spend some time with. It’s breaking my heart. All weekend I was inwardly complaining about you and how awkward it was, but there I was Sunday at 5pm in tears over you. I guess that’s how I’ll be when I visit lots of places again after leaving pieces of my heart there. I just have to keep asking myself if it will ever get easier. After rereading all of that I realize that I probably only make sense to myself. To put it “simply”: I was surprised to not have missed some things and that makes me emotional, and that in turn makes me miss the things that I do even more. It was crazy to see how much I’ve changed in a short amount of time, it surprised me more than anything. Bottom line: I’m overly emotional about you.

Dear Sawmill house, you are 90% of the reason that I love Boone the way that I do. I don’t know how to tell you how thankful I am for your couch, comfy chair, little cereal bowls, best cat in the world, and even creepy things that go thump in the night. Thanks for being a great sounding board listener with awesome advice. I hope you know how much our little talks mean to me. And for some reason I always tend to be within your walls when I feel the need to let my defenses down and cry lately. Thanks for not judging me. And if you think I’m crazy, thanks for letting me get it all out anyways. You make leaving Boone so difficult, hence the extra night. The bonus day was exactly what I needed and I suspect you would say the same. There’s nowhere that I would have wanted to be yesterday.

“The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.”

                                                 Elizabeth Foley

This quote describes our friendship so beautifully. Thank you for just understanding me. Thank you for being my home away from home. #mablerocks

            Dear apt P, last night was the most beautiful start to wonderful friendship. “Detoxing” there was just what I needed. Who knew that leaving Boone 3 months later would bring back some of the same feelings I had when originally moving? You did of course. Having a night full of laughter, tears, and Jesus was exactly what I needed and I suspect that it was just as good for all of us. I can see that that was going to be the first of many nights like that, and I couldn’t be more excited!

           

Dear Papa Jesus, you know my heart better than anyone. I cannot thank you enough for protecting me from my own desires. I love how you revealed to the doctor that I have a larger call on my life than to be a receptionist at an amazing office. That was something that I think I knew deep down already but it took a near stranger saying it to really get it to sink in. Thank you for working in unexpected ways. Thank you for removing me from a situation that was going to keep me from my purpose. I can definitely see how easily I would have fallen in love with working there and then it would have been hard to leave and pursue what You’re calling me to. And then I’m looking down the barrel at another situation similar to my Boone “breakup”. And I’m being real when I say that I can only handle one breakup at a time. Thank you for blessing me with a great network of friends down here that share so many of the same thoughts and feelings that I do. Thank you for reminding me of that last night. It’s so easy for me to sit and think that I’m all alone and no one could possibly understand these crazy thoughts and feelings after a weekend like I just had. Thank you for those who walked before me that are making my walk easier. Thank you for allowing me to grow in ways that won’t just help me, but will help others as well. Thank you for revealing a new cause that has apparently always been dear to my heart. Thank you for being patient as I realized it for myself. My heart is too big to just be focused on Kernersville, and orphans. Thank you for breaking my heart for women and children that are being trafficked all over the world. Not just in foreign countries but right here in my backyard. Yes triad area, I’m looking at you, and I want to stamp this out. I take that back. Stamping it out would imply that I want to crush it. That’s just not enough. I want to dig down to the root and completely destroy it from there. I’m so disgusted right now. Seriously thank you for that. Thank you for loving me through my crazy emotions that I sometimes tend to let get the best of me. You’re seriously the best, I fall more in love with you everyday.

Tuesday, well it’s almost time for me to witness a proposal in this Starbucks so I’m glad this has wrapped up so nicely. With much less tears than it started. Thanks for always being here for me, in this corner booth. Here are some pics from my weekend, since you couldn't make it. It’s a wrap! 

Thankful Tuesday

Dear Tuesday, it’s that time of the week again. I’m so glad that I’ve been allowed to spend this time together again. Sometimes I tend to forget to be thankful for just that, being alive for another week. Well….let’s get down to business.

Dear Kaity-Roo, you inspire me. There are a million ways that I could say that but it’s just that simple. I’m so envious (not in a bad way) of the life you live. You are a world changer. The work you do IJM and now while you’re in Nepal is incredible and continues to raise more awareness everyday. I for one know that without you I would know a lot less about human trafficking. Your stance on that has changed my life. I wish that more people had a joy for life like you do. I’ve never met anyone that is just as continuously happy as you. Never stop being that way. The world needs more Kaity Ruhlands.

Dear Alli, you’re my first repeat but it’s much deserved this week. YOU”RE ENGAGED. Just let that sink in for a minute. David is one heck of a lucky guy and I couldn’t be happier for the both of you. I know that it has been a long time coming, and you’ve waited for what seems like forever for him to slide that ring (rock!) on your finger. I hope that through the past season of dating (and waiting) you’ve been able to learn things about yourself, David, and the two of you as a couple. Obviously I can’t give you any advice on this next season, but’s it’s clear to me that I’m still called to do life with you through it. Don’t go getting all bridezilla on anybody though. Nobody wants to see THAT girl haha. But seriously, I’m so excited for everything that this season of engagement will bring you. When I think about the word “engage” I think of something starting, “you engage an engine…” or having made plans. You and David have now made a plan. That ring tells the whole world that someone has set you aside for themselves, and that you have agreed to “engage” in this new adventure with him. I pray that this engagement will bless you both, but even more, I pray that this engagement will bless The Lord. And I already know that it will. You’re awesome. And we both know that David is awesome because you’d settle for nothing less. So happy for you both!

Dear Jesus, wow. You’re really incredible. Thank you for pushing on me to read “The Circle Maker”. It has forever changed the way that I pray. Sometimes in ways that are expected and sometimes it’s the most pleasant surprise. When you woke me up at 4:46am Monday morning I have to admit I was confused because I didn’t have to go to the bathroom, and I didn’t need anything to drink. What most people don’t know is that I DID have an interview in almost 8 hours. This was an interview that you knew that I was nervous about. Group interviews are by no means easy. But at 4:45 Monday morning you gently whispered to me to begin to pray for the interview. Not just for my part in it but for the company giving the interview and everyone else that was invited. That last one was a little hard to do though because you wanted me to pray for other people that were trying to get the same position as me. I did it anyway. I’m learning to put more and more trust in You, the one who will never let me walk alone. To say that I felt Your presence in that interview room would be an understatement. I had to constantly remind myself not to laugh at how things he was saying were lining up EXACTLY with things You had me pray for. Even down to specific words, servant. Yes that was the first thing that caught my attention and it took me by so much surprise that I’m afraid to admit that I may have attempted to suppress a giggle. You just amaze me with the way that You let that one word change the course of everything that I had prepared to say. And getting the phone call late last night saying that I made it to round two…wow I can’t even begin to tell you how good that feels. Not just physically but spiritually. You had given me a promise and after circling it in intense prayer all morning, and then some somewhat more stressful afternoon and evening prayer until my phone rang at 8:46 (yes try and tell me that’s not Your doing with it coming down to that exact minute), that prayer was answered. Thank you for your crazy ways of getting my attention. I’m learning to embrace them more daily. Thank you for covering every word that I said in the interview with Your love and grace. Thank you for pushing me past my fear of public speaking yesterday. Thank you for quite literally almost letting this job fall right into my lap. Thank you for giving me an unquenchable thirst for You. Thank you for being the one constant in a world where everything is changing. Thank you for surrounding me with the best family and friends that I can ask for. They are all people that I know want the best for me. Through this transition of moving only You know how important REAL relationships were for me. Thank you for them, You know them all so there’s no need to name drop here. Thank you for giving me the desires that You have, and for the desires that You haven’t allowed to be revealed yet. I love you beyond words, Jesus.

Tuesday, three weeks in and this just gets easier and easier. Thanks for being my favorite day of the week!