Dear Tuesday, another week already. These are
seriously flying by right now, right? Thanks for always allowing me to talk
your ear off. Love ya.
Dear Boone, thank you for letting me go. I never
really thought that I would be thankful for that but as of today, I am. Going
back to visit you this weekend was so weird, and made me realize that I’ve
fallen out of love with you. The breakup was the most painful for me, but in
the end we both seem to have handled it well. We really are better off with
other people. Things there that used to take my breath away just didn’t do it
for me anymore. It wasn’t painful but it was a weird feeling to visit somewhere
that I thought would be my home forever. Thank you for understanding that I
needed these 3 months to get over you (I might have even needed a little
longer…). I sat in my favorite chair at my favorite place this weekend (the
sawmill) and ALMOST felt myself falling back in love with you all over again. I
hate to admit that. And it just makes me want to cry. And now I am. I’m trying
to fight back the tears so they go unnoticed but I’m failing. It’s painful but
I know that it’s for the best. I really do. But leaving made it almost feel
like I was doing it all over again for the first time. I hate that I saw people
that I didn’t care to see, and missed seeing people that I really felt like I
needed to spend some time with. It’s breaking my heart. All weekend I was
inwardly complaining about you and how awkward it was, but there I was Sunday
at 5pm in tears over you. I guess that’s how I’ll be when I visit lots of
places again after leaving pieces of my heart there. I just have to keep asking
myself if it will ever get easier. After rereading all of that I realize that I
probably only make sense to myself. To put it “simply”: I was surprised to not
have missed some things and that makes me emotional, and that in turn makes me
miss the things that I do even more. It was crazy to see how much I’ve changed
in a short amount of time, it surprised me more than anything. Bottom line: I’m
overly emotional about you.
Dear Sawmill house, you are 90% of the reason
that I love Boone the way that I do. I don’t know how to tell you how thankful
I am for your couch, comfy chair, little cereal bowls, best cat in the world,
and even creepy things that go thump in the night. Thanks for being a great sounding
board listener with awesome advice. I hope you know how much our little
talks mean to me. And for some reason I always tend to be within your walls
when I feel the need to let my defenses down and cry lately. Thanks for not
judging me. And if you think I’m crazy, thanks for letting me get it all out
anyways. You make leaving Boone so difficult, hence the extra night. The bonus
day was exactly what I needed and I suspect you would say the same. There’s
nowhere that I would have wanted to be yesterday.
“The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that
they can grow separately without growing apart.”
Elizabeth Foley
This
quote describes our friendship so beautifully. Thank you for just understanding
me. Thank you for being my home away from home. #mablerocks
Dear apt P, last night was the most
beautiful start to wonderful friendship. “Detoxing” there was just what I
needed. Who knew that leaving Boone 3 months later would bring back some of the
same feelings I had when originally moving? You did of course. Having a night
full of laughter, tears, and Jesus was exactly what I needed and I suspect that
it was just as good for all of us. I can see that that was going to be the
first of many nights like that, and I couldn’t be more excited!
Dear Papa Jesus, you know my heart better than
anyone. I cannot thank you enough for protecting me from my own desires. I love
how you revealed to the doctor that I have a larger call on my life than to be
a receptionist at an amazing office. That was something that I think I knew
deep down already but it took a near stranger saying it to really get it to
sink in. Thank you for working in unexpected ways. Thank you for removing me
from a situation that was going to keep me from my purpose. I can definitely
see how easily I would have fallen in love with working there and then it would
have been hard to leave and pursue what You’re calling me to. And then I’m
looking down the barrel at another situation similar to my Boone “breakup”. And
I’m being real when I say that I can only handle one breakup at a time. Thank
you for blessing me with a great network of friends down here that share so
many of the same thoughts and feelings that I do. Thank you for reminding me of
that last night. It’s so easy for me to sit and think that I’m all alone and no
one could possibly understand these crazy thoughts and feelings after a weekend
like I just had. Thank you for those who walked before me that are making my
walk easier. Thank you for allowing me to grow in ways that won’t just help me,
but will help others as well. Thank you for revealing a new cause that has
apparently always been dear to my heart. Thank you for being patient as I
realized it for myself. My heart is too big to just be focused on Kernersville,
and orphans. Thank you for breaking my heart for women and children that are
being trafficked all over the world. Not just in foreign countries but right here
in my backyard. Yes triad area, I’m looking at you, and I want to stamp this
out. I take that back. Stamping it out would imply that I want to crush it.
That’s just not enough. I want to dig down to the root and completely destroy
it from there. I’m so disgusted right now. Seriously thank you for that. Thank
you for loving me through my crazy emotions that I sometimes tend to let get
the best of me. You’re seriously the best, I fall more in love with you
everyday.
Tuesday, well it’s almost time for me to witness a proposal in this Starbucks so I’m glad this has wrapped up so nicely. With much less tears than it started. Thanks for always being here for me, in this corner booth. Here are some pics from my weekend, since you couldn't make it. It’s a wrap!
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