A week of Lessons

Dear Tuesday, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking this week. I went back and read my first blog, wow I’ve changed so much since then! That got me thinking though, I’ve seriously changed so much in the past (close to) 10 years. I’ve always heard people say that it would happen. But I’m just shocked at looking at the transformation that’s taken place. Thank you for being one of the few constant things in my life forever. <3

Dear friendships, I’m sorry but I’m breaking up with the way that I used to see you. I need more “real life, real talk” friends, and less surface level ones. Friends that ask the hard questions. Friends that know where to draw the line between holding me accountable and letting me stretch my wings. I’m enjoying the beginning stages of some of the best friendships that I’ve ever had right now. I know that there are more to come. Thanks for the people that were once more than surface level friends, for they are the reason that I’m hear today. Without them I don’t know where I would be. BUT. I’m called to a higher place and that means that my friendships have to increase to get me there. No I’m not talking about making tons of new friends, I’m talking about the friendships that I DO have need to be the ones that increase me. And that when I’m on the verge of starting a new friendship I’ll be entering it with prayer instead of looking for someone that’s my age or at the same life stage as me. My God is capable of transcending age. I’m excited for our relationship to change.

Dear obedience, you’re a tricky one. I never thought of myself as someone that had a problem with you. But apparently I do. Or better yet, apparently I do and I’m working on it. This past week you’ve taught me that my obedience is so much more than something that works for me. If I’m obedient about a situation/relationship then anyone else involved is getting a helpful push to be obedient themself. Sometimes it’s easier if someone else is initially obedient for you.

Dear Pastor Jonathan, your message on Sunday was one of the more inspiring messages that I’ve heard in a while. Ever since I have been looking at everything I do and asking if I’m truly doing them with excellence. Doing everything as if I were doing it for Christ himself. That totally put things into perspective for me in a way that I’d never seen it before. Am I cleaning our house as if it were God’s house? Am I cooking meals as if God will be eating with us? Am I being a good listener to my friends and family as if it were God himself speaking? This has been a difficult challenge. I’ve failed already at some things and things that I’ve succeeded in changing have opened my eyes to other places where I need to implement this challenge. Thank you for challenging me to become a better version of myself. Thank you for pushing me to be the woman that God has called me to be.

Dear Father Jesus, I have so much to thank you for. Thank you for the courage to let friends inside, sometimes I don’t even recognize myself anymore when it comes to this. Thank you for giving me a small cluster of friends that I can learn from, who can learn from me, and that we can learn and grow together. I touched on this a little bit last week but I don’t think it’s a coincidence that You gave me the title of this blog when you did. However, I feel like I don’t ask you enough to truly break my heart for what breaks yours. Jesus, if breaking my heart is what it takes for me to become the person You want me to be, then go ahead. Break me until I am truly whole. I mean that more today then I ever have. I promise to ask You this everyday, and mean it more everyday.  Tomorrow marks 4 months since I moved home, and I can honestly say that I haven’t enjoyed every moment of it. But the parts that I have loved have more than made up for any doubts I have faced. These 4 months have been such a calm, learning experience that I’m beyond grateful for. It’s crazy to look at how much my relationship with You has changed. Who knew that a season where I was more dependent on my parents would also be the one where I would finally become totally dependent on You. You’ve spoken to me in ways that I’d only dreamed about before (see what I did there J). There are just some things that a girl needs to hear directly from her Father, and You do that so well. Thank you for being patient as I came to this realization on my own. You’re kind of awesome like that. I could talk to you all day, and most days I’m sure that I talk Your ear off. But I know You love it. You’re truly the best thing that ever happened to me. Sorry for being all mushy. Love you Papa.

Tuesday, it’s time to part ways again. I’m going to enjoy you in a different way, instead of in-front of this computer screen. You’re such a great listener, thanks for sitting there as I talk, type, erase, type, and eventually post this. Thanks for always being patient with the jumbled mess that is me.