Who am I really aiming to please through this?

So I’m sensing a mini theme here and I promise that it won't last forever but I'm just following my Father on this one, so stick with me.

I was reading in 1 Corinthians the other night with a couple friends and we found this verse that knocked the wind out us (or at least it did that for me). It's in chapter 10 and it says "I'm not going to walk around on eggshells worrying about what small minded people might say; I'm going to stride free and easy, knowing what our large minded Master has already said." Now I know what small-minded means but I looked it up anyways...have narrow interests (duh Britt), marked by pettiness and meanness (now we're getting somewhere). Right there is my opposition. It's as simple as that really, there are going to people in my life that are going to disagree with decisions that I'll be making from here on out but they're going to have to talk to my Father about that because He just said that I don't need to worry about what they're saying. Would I like for everybody to be behind me 100%? You bet! But lets be realistic, there are people in my own family that won't understand the calling that's been placed on me. It breaks my heart, but I'm believing that they'll have a change of heart and see me the way the Lord does...as His servant. But if you continue reading in verse 10 it says to not worry about what others are saying about you because your life's purpose isn't to please them.

Yesterday I sacrificed myself and my own wants and desires so that the Lord could do what He wants with them. Today I have to sacrifice my opposition, though right now they don't seem like that (and they may not even know it yet). It's not going to be easy, but it also wouldn't be much of a sacrifice if it didn't bring a little pain right?

On the other side of that the verse says that our Master and Father is large minded, and that He's ALREADY spoken. Part of the Greek translation of large-minded means proud. He's proud of me and He's proud of anybody that sits and listens to Him. That seems so simple and it is. But at the same time it's crazy to know that He thinks about me like that (and by crazy I mean crazy-awesome!) Also, before I was born He spoke all of this over me because He knew that I'd be sitting here in bed tonight struggling with wanting the support that I think I need. But in Him I have all the support I need. Anything else is overflow and so so so great!

Self-sacrificing = Pain? I'm cool with that.

Another weekend is coming to an end but it's been such a great and refreshing one. We've been talking more about our passion in church and this morning we talked about how you can't have passion without pain. Now at first this was confusing to me because why would the Lord put something like working with orphans on my heart if he intended to bring some sort of pain out of it? I just didn't understand and for a minute was mad because this (me finding my passion and what not) has brought nothing but joy to me for the past week and a half. And then I was zoned out wondering how something this great would end up bringing me pain at some point. 

I'm automatically thinking worse case scenario...I'm going to get to do this but not in the time frame that I'd like or It won't be as long term as I'd like or there's always the WORST worse case scenario, this will cause me to sacrifice being a wife and a mom one day. I'm just sitting there at this point mad at myself for not thinking about how this decision would impact me when I let myself get all worked up by it, and then I heard Pastor say that passion hurts because it hurts to care.

I immediately felt this calming rush over me. The Lord gave me this passion to work with kids and I know that that may eventually lead me to other countries. It's going to require sacrifice on my part and even on the part of others that I've become close to or have yet to meet yet (hint hint...hubs). The sacrifice won't be easy because I love living in Boone and I love that I'm so close to my family and can see them or talk to them whenever I want basically. That's my comfort zone, and the Lord wants to stretch me. I realized then that I hadn't fully given my purpose over to Him. I thought I had but seeing myself get so scared of things possibly not working out my way showed otherwise. I love those kids that I'll be helping one day already. And in 1 Corinthians 13:7 it says "Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance”, because of that verse I know that my family and friends will support me wherever the Lord ends up sending me. So as of today (January 15, 2012) my purpose is completely out of my hands. Check out Matthew 16:24-26..."Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the drivers seat; I am. Don't run from sacrifice; embrace it. Follow me and i'll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self." What He has planned for me is going to be so great and I'm realizing more and more each day that I'm destined to do great things for the kingdom, greater even then I can realize right now. He's so great about how He reveals things to us, sometimes over time and sometimes just all at once but it's never more then you're ready for. All you have to do is ask Him because He's so eager for us to realize our purpose so He can watch us walk it out. Ask Him. I dare ya. Better yet I double dog dare ya and you know you can't turn that down.

Gotta start somewhere, right?

Well I’ve never been one to just sit and write so the idea to start a blog is definitely more Jesus wanting me to do then ME actually wanting to open up like this. I'm not 100% sure of how this will play itself out but if you just stick with me then hopefully we can do some growing together.

I've entered a brand new season as of January 1st. Now I’m mainly just referring to my living situation. You see I’ve had the same roommate for the past three and a half years and we learned a lot from each other, but we had gotten to a point where we weren't exactly growing in the way that we should have been. We have since went our separate ways and I can honestly say that I LOVE where I'm at now. Becky and I already seem to have this great flow and balance and I know that we'll be able to learn a lot from each other. The Lord is the only one that could have worked out as living together in the time frame that we gave Him, and I feel so blessed already.

As far as new seasons go for me this one is particularly exciting because the Lord has just revealed His purpose for my life (I suppose it's been there all along, but all I needed to do was ask) <- fancy that, right?! For a while now I knew that I was called to work with kids but never knew to what extent, to be a teacher, day-care worker, full-time nanny, stay at home mom...I really had no idea. So I started taking child development classes, and the more I learned I realized that I not only wanted to work in a child development center but I wanted to open one here in Boone. I knew that it wouldn't be easy but there is such a need for one up here so I set out determined to make it happen.

Little did I know that that happened to be my plan and not the Lord's. My Pastor was talking the other night about finding your purpose and to be honest I started to tune him out a little bit because "I already know my purpose, it's awesome and I couldn't be happier about it." The Lord had other plans though and wouldn't let my mind wander. The first thing that jumped out at me was when he said that passion and intensity aren't the same thing. Now right then and there my mouth dropped open and I heard the Lord say "listen" It didn't take long to realize that opening the child development center was something I was intense about and because I wanted to see it happen so badly, I let myself think that it was my passion. My God-given passion is still to work with kids, but focused on orphanages. It's always been on my heart and the Lord keeps showing me different things in my past that have lead to this realization. He's so great like that! So needless to say when I go back to school in the fall I’ll be changing my major to Social Work. I have no doubt that I'll succeed with this more so then my prior try with school because this time the Lord is truly behind this. I may not be able to do it all in my own strength or in my own power, but I can do anything He tells me to by His grace and mercy.